Damned From the Start
by shesshomaruluver1723
Summary: He welcomed death with open arms. It would be a blessing in disguise that would heal his aching heart. Before he succumbed to the neverending darkness, there was one more thing he had to accomplish. One more mistake he had to undo....WARNING: Major angst!


**A/n: So, I recently read a really sad story and it inspired me to write this one-shot thingy Wow, I am way to cheery for the mood this fic is supposed to set... but oh well! Yeah, this is going to be very angsty. If you don't like angst, then don't read! -glare-**

**Ed: -sigh- Ignore her. She just hates it when people review a story only to complain.**

**Dance x: Damn straight!**

**Ed: What, you're all gangster now?**

**Dance x: Fo' sure. Now get on with the disclaimer fool!**

**Ed: -- Only to shut you up. The brilliant dance does not own Full Metal Alchemist.**

**Dance x: You could make it a bit more creative then that!**

**Ed: No.**

**Dance x: Fine. -pouts- Remind me why you are my favorite anime character again?**

**Ed: Because your obsessed with FMA and I am the main character?**

**Dance x: AND BECAUSE YOUR SO DAMN HOT! -glomps Ed-**

**Ed: -blushes- -stutters- Well, on with the story. -blushes even more-**

**Dance x: -is very content glomping her Edo-kun-**

Oh yeah, this takes place before the whole Lab 15 thing, ok?

_Damned From the Start_

Key

italics means thinking

( with a number in it means I have something to say about that particular sentence and you can find it at the bottom of the page before my ending authoress' note) /b

A/N: means authoress' (ME! ) note

_Is it really going to end like this _

Ed fell to the ground, kneeling on one knee. His human hand clutched his bleeding stomach where a previous attack from his opponent had pierced him. He had made a makeshift bandage from his red cloak- which was now cast aside, ragged and torn- and wound it around his wound tightly to suppress the bleeding. The cloth didn't help much, either because Ed made it in such haste, or because of all the activity he was involved in. Nonetheless, Ed had lost a considerable amount of blood, resulting in him being even more fatigued then he would have been without the injury.

_No, I will not die now. I can't give up until I have returned Al back to normal. _

With that thought in mind, Ed attempted to stand up, his body aching in protest. He took a few shaky steps forward, only to fall back down again.

" Aw, come on now shorty. You can't be warn out already!" His opponent said, his wine colored eyes gleaming in amusement at Ed's expense. Ed let out a menacing growl, but could do nothing more then just that. For once in his life, Ed had to let the height joke go. He had to focus on defeating his enemy.

" Don't you worry, I'm not down yet." Ed replied, endeavoring to stand up again. He used his automail arm, which was transformed into a blade and caked with dry blood, to steady his weak legs and push himself up. " I'm going to wipe that arrogant smirk off your face once and for all!"

Ed mustered up his strength and charged at the man in front of him, catching said man slightly off guard. His automail arm punctured the man's chest and went right through, the action making a sickening ripping sound as it tore through skin and muscle, eventually reaching the heart and perforating that too.

Ed pulled the blade out easily; the blood made the blade slippery and easy to take out of the man's body. With a blank expression, he watched the man fall to the ground- dead. Even though Ed hated the man before him with a passion, he found that he still felt regretful about killing him. Though he wasn't even human, Ed still felt like a murderer. Ed's conscience had always been one of his good points, but in times like these, it was his downfall.

Suddenly, a bright red light engulfed the man's wound. Ed watched in horror as the wound he just inflicted quickly healed itself. The only thing that acknowledged the wound's previous existence was the blood staining the man's black tank top.

"Tsk. Tsk. I would think you would know by now that we homunculi can regenerate." The man said cockily, standing up and smirking at the look of hatred and horror upon Ed's face.

" Damn you Envy!" Ed yelled out, all feeling of regret about killing Envy gone.

" Sorry, but I am already damned." The man designated as Envy let his smirk grow even bigger before he charged at Ed with a knife in hand **(1).**

Al watched warily as Ed barely deflected Envy's attack using his automail arm. Al could see his brother was getting tired. Gradually, his mover were becoming more sluggish and his breathing more and more ragged. Ed wouldn't last much longer...

That wasn't the only thing bothering Al. Ed was obviously in a lot of pain; with every movement, he involuntarily winced or grimaced. Al didn't like to see his brother in pain, or in danger, but at the moment he had his own battle to concentrate on.

" You should pay more attention." Lust said, her fingers growing into long, sharp lances and piercing the distracted suit of armor. Al let out a grunt as the sharp lances pinned him to a wall by his arms, rendering him useless.

" AL!" Ed screamed, watching as Al got pinned to the wall by Lust's sharp fingers. Her fingers were way to close to Al's blood seal for comfort. If she was to shatter his blood seal, Ed would lose Al a second time.

Ed's heart clenched and he felt like he was going to be sick. He would **not**let Al die again. Al meant everything to him. All he ever did, he did for Al. They were more then just brothers; they had gone through so much together, Ed considered Al his best friend too. Al was his better half, his innocent half. He kept Ed in line and reasoned with him when Ed couldn't keep his emotions at bay. If it wasn't for Al, he probably would have ended his own life a long time ago.

Ed had come to realize that when everyone mistook Al for the older brother, they were technically right. He did act more like the older brother at times. Al was more responsible then him, he was more rational then him, and he was stronger in spirit then him. Ed could hardly believe how much courage his younger brother had. If he was in Al's position, he doubted he would be so hopeful and kind. He would have shut down and hated the world, but that wasn't what Al did at all. Instead, Al kept his head high, no matter what happened, and Ed admired him for that.

" Aw, brotherly love. How heart-warming." Envy mocked, placing his hands up to his heart. " Too bad I don't have a real heart..."

" Now, leave us alone." Lust ignored Envy's dry humor and turned her attention to Ed. " Let us use the philosopher's stone in peace." She walked towards Al, all the while keeping him pinned to the wall by his arms, and lifted his up his helmet, revealing his blood seal. " Or else..." She gently ran a finger across Al's blood seal, causing him to shudder.

For some strange reason, Al actually enjoyed the sensation he got when Lust ran her finger over his blood seal. It had been such a long time since he had felt anything- the warmth of the sun, the brisk cool air of autumn, crystal clear water lapping at his heels- that he welcomed any feeling, even pain, oddly enough.

" Don't you dare!" Ed growled, attempting to run over to Al and free him. Unfortunately, Envy suddenly stood in his way. Ed knew he didn't have any strength to push Envy out of the way or run past him, so he resolved to just staring at Al, hoping with all his might that Al would be ok. Hoping that Lust would be compassionate...

Homunculi have compassion? Yeah right. If Ed had learned anything from all his encounters with the homunculi, it was that they were absolutely cold-hearted. They had no shred of humanity inside their fake bodies, making them all the more deadlier.

" You might want to listen to her, Fullmetal. Envy said, a cat like grin on his face. " Just leave this place and forget what you saw. Then I won't have to kill you. At least, not yet."

Forget what he saw? How he could he possibly do that? There was no way he could just leave and forget that he saw the philosopher's stone- what he and Al had searched for for several long years- lying in the middle of an abandoned warehouse, about to put to use by the homunculi. He and Al deserved that stone more then anyone, dammit! And he wasn't about to give up until he got it...

" We have come way too far to back down now!" Ed yelled. Not wasting any time for fear Lust might kill Al, he slammed his hands down on the ground, a flash of blue light accompanying the sound of his hands hitting the floor. Not even a second later, a large pillar burst out of the ground beneath Lust's feet, knocking her off balance and causing her to release Al. Al quickly scooped up his helmet and put it back on his body before regaining a fighting stance, watching cautiously as Lust stood up and dusted herself off. While Envy was distracted, Ed attacked him with his automail blade. At the last second, Envy used his inhuman speed to move out of the way, earning him only a gash on his shoulder.

" You know, at first this was fun, but now I am getting annoyed." Envy's shoulder wound healed itself instantly, but a glare still remained planted on his face. " This will shut you up..."

Envy let out a low whistle. From the ceiling, a big blob of water dropped down. Soon, standing right in front of Ed's eyes, was his mom, smiling softly at him.

Ed's body tensed and he stared at her wide eyed. " Mom?" He said, his voice coming out hoarse and cracked, sounding much like a crying child's. But wasn't that exactly what he was? Just a desperate child trying to act strong?

" Yes, it's me sweetheart." Trisha kept her voice low and took several steps forward. " It's me."

Ed knew it was all so wrong; his mom was dead, buried in the cemetery at Risembool. He knew she was just another homunculi, the homunculi that he and Al created when they preformed a human transmutation, but she looked so much like her...she sounded so much like _her _...

When Trisha took Ed into her embrace, he didn't fight it. Instead, he snuggled into her and began to cry. He didn't notice that she was ice cold; he didn't notice that she smelled different then she did before; he didn't notice the cold look she had on her face; he just wanted to forget reality. He wanted to forget that she was only a homunculus, out to kill him. For a few minutes, he just wanted to pretend that his mom was back. Didn't he deserve to at least that privilege? It would just be for a few minutes. Then he would go back to being Ed, the Full Metal Alchemist. For now, he was just a kid again. Just for a few minutes...

" I've missed you so much." He sobbed, clutching onto her sleeves. Everything was getting hazy. Ed had lost too much blood. Far away, he could hear Al screaming for him, but he ignored it. He was still lost in his fantasy world, and, truthfully, he never wanted to leave. He was happier in oblivion then he had been for the past six years.

For six very long, hard years, Ed had longed for his mother to come back more then anything in the world. When Nina died, the person he wanted the most was his mom. At the state alchemist exams, he wished his mom could have been there to see how good he was. After the incident with Barry the Chopper, all Ed wanted to do was run to his mom and hear her warm voice comfort him. But she was dead and she could never do any of those things. The fact that she was _alive_ and hugging him now seemed like a miracle, a dream come true, to him.

Ed was snapped back to reality as he felt something pierce his chest and a burning pain erupt throughout his body. He slowly looked down and saw a knife protruding out of his chest. With his eyes he traced the knife until he came to the person clutching it- his mom.

Ed began to fall backwards, all the while watching _her _face. How could _she _be so cold? How could she _kill _him knowing that he was her _son _...?

He was in so much pain, not only physically, but mentally. He had just been stabbed by his own mom; though she wasn't technically his mom, she still looked like _her_, she still had some of _her _memories, she still _should have loved him. _

_Why?_

_Why has all this happened to me?_

_What did I ever do to deserve this fate?_

_I know this is the end._

_But yet, I'm not afraid... _

Al's screams became more frantic, but Ed couldn't bring himself to get up. The burning sensation in his chest was fading away, as was Al's voice. He wanted to just give in to death; it would be a blessing in disguise, after all. He would finally be able to be happy, finally be able to be free, finally be able to be rid of all the pain...

_But Al...he needs me...I can't die...I need to return him back to normal... _

With all his might, Ed forced his eyes open. To his surprise, he saw the philosopher's stone, glowing a bright crimson, lying right beside him. How it got there, he didn't know, and at the moment, he didn't care.

With much difficulty, Ed reached over and grabbed the small stone. He opened his hand to stare at it and admired how it sat perfectly in the palm of his hand. _It's so weird that something so small contains thousands of people lives and has so much power..._

It was completely against what he believed in. If it was under any other circumstance, he wouldn't have used the stone, knowing how it was made. But this wasn't any normal situation. This was his last chance to fix everything. If he didn't use the stone now, everything he and Al had worked for, all they had gone through, would go to waste. Not only would his and Al's efforts go to waste, but so would the people's lives who made up the philosopher's stone. They were already dead, so why not make their death worthwhile? He wasn't going to help them by _not_ using the stone, so why not? Why not use it? It would go to a better cause then if the homunculi used it...

He closed his hand over the stone and let his eyes flutter shut. He wasn't quite sure how exactly to use the stone's powers, so he took a guess based on how he had seen Marcoh and the others use the fake stones. He concentrated all his thoughts on the stone and what he wanted to happen. _Please work. Please... Let something go right for once... _

In the background, he could hear Envy screaming for someone to stop him, but he was too focused on the red light erupting from his hand and the power surging throughout his body to care. In a few seconds, the power surging through Ed's body was gone and was replaced by the familiar stinging pain in his stomach and chest. The tiny little stone in his hand flashed a bright red one last time before fading to black and disintegrating right beneath Ed's fingers. Now, if anyone wanted a new one, they would have to kill thousands of more people to get it...

Everything was quiet. He couldn't hear Envy, or Lust, or Al, or his mom, or anyone.

" BROTHER!" He felt hands-human hands- latch on to him and begin to shake him. " Brother! Please don't die. Please. I'm human now! You did it! I'm back to my old self!" Ed opened his eyes and mustered a smile at what he saw. There, kneeling beside him, was Al, but not as a suit of armor, instead as a young, scared fourteen year old boy.

" Please! You can't leave me now! We can be happy now Ed! We can live normal lives! You promised me we would always stick together!" Al screamed, tears running down his face and dripping onto Ed's body.

" You can't die! You just can't! I love you too much."

Al had never felt so helpless in his life. Even when his mom died, he had some hope that Ed could bring her back. But now, he knew if Ed died that he could never bring him back. Al had lost everything in his life. He didn't know if he could stand losing something else that was close to him...

" I'm sorry Al." Ed stuttered out, coughing up blood as he did so. " At least one of can be happy. At least I fixed one mistake I made."

" Brother! Don't say that! Your going to be fine! You have to be fine. You can't leave me by myself. I need you Ed! I need you!" Al shook Ed even harder and buried his head into his chest. " Please..."

Ignoring his brother's pleas, Ed closed his eyes and let his mind begin to drift off. Al would be fine without him. He was strong. He would be better off without Ed anyway. If it wasn't for Ed, Al wouldn't have ever been trapped in a suit of armor...

He was so exhausted. Every part of him ached. Al's screams and pleas started to become fainter and fainter and Ed's body became numb.

_I guess I was just damned from the start. _

**(1) Envy probably wouldn't use a knife, but oh well.**

**A/N: Poor Ed. He died. TT Please, don't flame me! Like I said before, if you don't like, don't read! Wow, I am surprised how quickly I typed this. Yay for me Ok, so now, you _will_ review! YOU WILL! Um, please? ;;**


End file.
